Dear Charly,

How do you stop caring that your ex is with someone new? This ex
treated me horribly–so I shouldn't even care who he sees and just
feel bad for her…but I cant help but worry maybe he changed and maybe
the problem was me and that is why he treated me badly…and that he
is a better person now because she is better.

-Katie

Hello Katie,
 

Getting over an ex can be tough enough, but when you find yourself preoccupied with his new romantic endeavors… instead of your own, it’s time to regroup and reset pronto! The first key to redirecting your attention is understanding why you care. In your case there are two main pieces that are not only connected to each other —they’re also keeping you connected to your ex and his current relationship:

(1) You’re secretly curious about whether your ex’s new love interest is getting more from him than you did, and what that means about you if she is…

because…

(2) You’re wondering if you caused the problem in your relationship, which means what you’re most preoccupied with is: whether you could have controlled how your ex chose to treat you, as well as what you experienced in your relationship with him.

In truth you’d like to believe that your ex’s new interest isn’t getting anything better than what you got from him. The reality is… you know that she might be. That awareness is precisely what keeps you caring about them, as well as wondering if you’re to blame for losing out on your love-go-round with your ex.

So how do you regroup?

First accept that your ex has moved on, which means you don’t get a “redo.” Redirect your focus onto your present and future by strategically assessing what took place solely for the information that will empower you to create the results you want in your next relationship. Understand that while the tendency to run through new scenarios using your old relationship as a model is tempting, doing so keeps you mentally & emotionally attached to that relationship. It also prevents you from experiencing the benefits of what you could gain because you’re considering imaginary scenarios instead of applying your dating data with a real person where you can check it out and get actual results.

Without knowing what your ideal relationship looks like, I do know being treated horribly was not on your list. I applaud your willingness to consider your role in the overall results, however there are no excuses for someone treating you that badly. Give yourself a break. Accept that you don’t have the power to control a relationship or a person, which means you’re never the sole reason for what goes wrong either. 

It takes two to tango —and (both) your steps must be complementary if you’re going to enjoy the dance together.

If your ex is better with his new love than he was with you, understand that it doesn’t mean she’s miraculously better in the relationship than you were. Even if you had acted differently, the fact your ex was comfortable treating you as horribly as he did proves something was fundamentally wrong about the two of you together. We all bring out different things in each other, however there are no excuses for someone choosing to treat you that poorly, so stop beating yourself up about it. Your ex may act better because after you, he decided to take more responsibility for his behavior. The good news is that better results await you too —and they’ll come as soon as your focus is back on you.
 

Resetting comes from getting clear about where you are, what you’ve learned and what you want in the future. You can use your past experience with your ex to help you define all of those things. If you recognize you acted in ways you’re not proud of, make the necessary alterations in your next relationship.
 

Every relationship is a lesson; your value comes from recycling what you experience into insight that helps you. Then use your new found wisdom about you and what caused problems in your previous relationship(s) to attract and sustain a better suited partner for you. By making your past serve your present you’ll be thankful you dated and dumped his ass. If you want some additional help poising yourself for the relationship you want with power, and bouncing any baggage to the curb… pick up a copy of Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass—Use Those Mr. Wrongs to Lead You Straight to Mr. Right. It’s got all the straightforward strategies to help you own who you are in and out of the dating/relationship realm for the best life and love have to offer. Cheers to your best relationship ever Katie!

NOT SO FAST!

Valentine's Day is just around the corner —which could definitely bring up memories… along with a desire to reach out to your ex! Get fab ways to recycle V-day into You-Day here!

For this reason, some of my fellow YourTango experts and I teamed up to provide:

5 Emergency Techniques To Use

When You Want To Call Your Ex

It's been days, weeks, or even months since you and your ex called it quits. And you're fine. You're convinced everything happens for a reason, and you'll be better off with someone else someday. You rarely even think of him. Until now…

read full article at YourTango

Check out Charly's YourTango Expert Page

We witnessed Rachel struggle through the first coveted solo date only to save herself from the chopping block at the bitter end by admitting that she doesn’t trust herself, is terrible in relationships BUT… really wants to open up and be there for Ben. I’m pretty sure the last tidbit was the one to do the trick. Additionally after witnessing Ben give another rose to Courtney, it’s now safe to assume that he’s either totally clueless or he simply falls within the 75% of men polled in the January 2012 issue of Glamour who say “hotness” makes them ignore most deal breakers (and red flags obviously). The rest of the girls better watch out however. Courtney is not only creepy, she seems to channel a little too much Jennifer Jason Leigh from Single White Female.

Despite the usual drama and awkwardness that comes with watching a man playing musical mates with a group of women who are all vying for his attention from the same residence, there’s always something priceless we can recycle from the emotional wreckage. This time the honor goes to Samantha who served up this week’s lesson straight out of an old adage.

Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it…

After just a few weeks Samantha was quick to admit that her feelings for Ben were so strong that she thought she should already be wearing “the ring.” Although her profession of love seemed to lack honesty, this kind of phenomenon does happen quite regularly so let’s recycle it into some useful tips.

Tip #1 When it comes to “the ring, ” keep it real and relevant 

No matter how dreamy you think he is and how good his stats look on paper, if your talk about rings is solely related to your personal feelings rather than those of the person who is supposed to give it to you… you’re fantasizing and projecting rather than authentically feeling and experiencing what’s taking place. Stay real with yourself by keeping things relevant to what’s transpired between you so the relationship can reveal its true potential to you. Relax, regroup and refocus on the relationship YOU want. The ring you’re ready wear may belong to an entirely different relationship than the one you’re imagining or desire for real. 

Next Samantha pleaded her case: 3 group dates and no clue as to what Ben is thinking or feeling. While she described her confusion, Samantha's face showed a slight dash of contempt, which quickly transformed into an edgy display of desperation as Ben's eyes darted and his responses showed an obvious lack of romantic interest.

Tip#2 Make sure you’re in love with the guy more than the idea of being in love with the guy.
The Bachelor producers go out of the way to give the women incredible experiences they will no doubt project onto Ben, thus enhancing their feelings of love and compatibility. In real life we can be just as easily seduced. Get clear about what you wish to experience in your ideal relationship first, then stay curious about how those you meet fit, conflict or relate with what you want. When you decide someone is already significant, you have a tendency to filter what you hear and what you see, which could leave you wondering how you wound up with what you got. —If the flow isn’t there, it may be time to jump currents.

Just like a Who Wants to Be A Millionaire episode, Samantha waited for Ben's final answer.

Tip #3 Getting clarity about your love interest’s feelings toward you is a gift worth giving to yourself.
Isn’t it better to know when to stop investing in a love portfolio that’s only going to yield emotional deficits? The truth may hurt but it also sets you free to experience the reciprocal love relationship you really want.

In spite of the raw reveal and subsequent departure, I applaud Samantha for having the guts to get her questions answered. If she liked Ben more than she was willing to show, then perhaps she’ll learn to be more expressive in the future. If she secretly wanted to go home then she’s simply like most of of us who wouldn’t participate in such a twisted emotional adventure.

What do you think? Do you think Samantha's feelings were real? I’d love to know what you think…

This week’s episode ought to be called Rumble for the Roses —and I think Ben sums it up the best with his quote of the night:

“There’s a recurring theme going on with many of these women tonight from what I’m seeing… There is obviously some tension in the house… You know I don’t know what it is but the mood of the party is shifting… a lot of these women seem to be getting much more emotional… so I want to get to the bottom of it…"

DUH?! Has umpteen seasons of The Bachelor taught you nothing Ben? Despite the swarms of women still willing to sign up for weeks of luxurious digs, incredible adventures, tumultuous turmoil and emotional trauma… it’s still completely unnatural for a group of women to compete for your attention in front of each other while living together. It’s really not rocket science.

Recycled… this week’s fantastic fest of various forms of desperation provides us three great tips for this game called love… 

Blakeley who started out looking like a focused, aggressive competitor seduced Ben's judgement before becoming stalker chick. Then realizing that she’d overplayed her hand, Blakeley chose to transform herself from Vixen to Vulnerable, which only confused Ben more. HINT: Ben, this is a super glimpse into the reality that is Blakeley. Charlyism #3-6 Think long-term when it comes to a [woman’s] behavior.

Tip #1 Figure out who you are and then be that person, if he doesn’t “get you” he’s not the best for you. When you masquerade as an overconfident aggressor only to finish the run as a vulnerable victim, you’re painting a picture of you that is disingenuous at best.

Poor over analytical Jenna clearly spent too much time structuring her sentiments, which of course decimated any chances of connecting with Ben… again, thus she went home…. bringing us to tip #2

Tip #2 Don’t waste the time you have to share who you ARE, listing all the things you “think” or want him to believe you aren’t. Incidentally I say think, because most of the time you are very much of who you claim not to be. In fact if you find yourself discussing all that you’re not, look closely at what you listed because it must exist somewhere and needs your attention pronto.

Since everything has its shadow side, I’m choosing Jamie as the bachelorette of the week. Despite her desire to remain in the running, Jamie showed the most self-confidence thus far. Unlike Courtney who was often found in a corner spinning a web of emotional disturbance like a seasoned black widow, or Samantha who consumed her thoughts with everyone else’s behavior, Jamie stayed present. She put herself first and refused to let circumstances or other women’s behavior alter her own. Jamie was willing to communicate that to Ben —even if he didn’t like it. Go Jamie!

You’ll never have to compete for the guy or gal for you. Instead of selling yourself like a good piece of stock to invest in, Tip #3 Show up, be you and love you first so the value you bring is clearly evident. I’ll be back next week with another Reality Dish Recycled! Bachelor breakdown!

Who do you think Ben is leaning toward now? Who would you choose for him?

Oh Boy —where do we even begin with this already juicy and disturbing new season of The Bachelor…?! Ben Flajnik, previously known for being jilted by Ashley Hebert in the Season 7 finale of The Bachelorette, is now at the helm of what appears to be the largest budget busting adventure ever bestowed on any bachelor on ABC. You can always count on The Bachelor to serve up a delectable dish of distinctive drama —but in truth, few shows provide more meaty material to mentally dissect and digest for beneficial leaps in your own relationship realm.

Wondering what desperation, calculation or competition looks like? Check. Want to see the difference between the woman who comes with a performance versus the one who chooses to connect quietly and warmly through the eyes? Check. Ever wondered how far strolling past a man looking more insecure than confident as if to suggest that you're all that while he's not even worth an introduction will get you? CHECK!

The Bachelor could often be known as the "What Not to Do" or "How Not to Behave" hour of reality dating shows and that's why it's my primo choice for REALITY DISH RECYCLED! Of course no Bachelor premiere would be complete without the sneak peak of carefully chosen personalities through their back stories —who will each no doubt add something significant to the initial chemistry experiment. This season's chosen nine along with their soundbites provide the perfect place to get started…!

Best Entrance Award goes to Lindzi who rode right up the drive and into Ben's heart on a horse. Her interview tape showed a warm sunny personality with brains. The only red flag (other than choosing to compete for love) was when she revealed that her last boyfriend broke up with her via a text that read: “Welcome to Dumpsville… population YOU” —Really? Are we seriously supposed to believe that actually happened? If it’s true, I’m not sure what’s worse —that fact that he did that or that she was dating someone who would do that???!!! Let's hope that was devised by producers for a jaw drop moment on an otherwise great introduction to Lindzi.

Leaping from the horse to the field, we get Amber. Honestly you gotta love a Tom boy who’s cute and knows how to shoot, however note to future contestants: Don't use the majority of your interview talking about beer nuts (aka Cow balls) before licking your lips with a goofy look on your face. Producers will choose that clip every time!

Tennessee Kacie is clearly the Caregiver of the group. Ready to turn her “me into a we,” there's just one major concern. Despite not even knowing this guy she verbally moved from admitting she wanted to date Ben, to stating she wants to love him as much as her grandparents (who couldn’t live without one another) loved each other… Yikes!  Charlyism #3-10 Make sure you love your man more than the idea of being in love with him. How about meeting him first Kacie?

From caring to calculating we get Courtney from Santa Monica. We can always count on LA for the woman who doesn’t care about other women and isn’t concerned about competing. Watch out Ben, just when Courtney reveals that she knows exactly what she wants… there’s NO mention of YOU. Instead we learn her clarity relates to the specs of the ring she expects to get. In case you missed it — 2 Karats because she deserves it. At least Kacie is focused on the love…

After Courtney it's only right to bring an exact opposite in Jamie from New York who provides the story of loss, struggle, resilience and heart. Go Jamie. You deserve a great guy. But after recycling your hardships the way you have, attempting to win the affections of a guy playing musical mates with at least 16 others seems like a step down. Enjoy the experiences and travel, then go for the guy who's willing to woo just you.

The Diplomat's Daughter aka Lyndsie #2 with unique spelling, was confused when her well traveled, kooky, fun and English accented personality failed to get a rose. Here's my take Lyndsie —you seem like a cool chick, but too much performance and pomp circumstance blinds men from connecting with you. Take it down a few notches and you'll do great.

Shawn gives us the mom factor while Nicki fills the young divorcee category. Having already experienced a fairy tale wedding turned unfufilling marriage, Nicki should know to refrain from fantasizing so deeply about the life she'll have with a man who she doesn't know yet. Charlyism #5-4 When someone or something piques your interest, retain your curiousity. Don't get caught up and forget what you already learned Nicki!

The Misundertsood and Metally Tortured Award goes to Jenna, AKA "The Over-Analyst." YIKES! Charlyism #1-12 The greater your need to control increases the lower your power quotient becomes. In this case it's probably her lack of understanding that's driving her push for control. Regardless of the exact cause, poor Jenna is a well intentioned yet insanely obssessive, analytically driven victim of her own mind. Since recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it… we should give Jenna kudos for her honesty though it's so sad to watch her continously crack under the pressure of her own psyche. —And because you shouldn't underestimate the truth in people's words, focus not on the fact the Jenna misquoted Ben, but instead on what she stated the quote was: GOOD THINGS END BADLY. Call me Jenna! I'll help you rewire your thought process so you can stop over analyzing and sidelining your chances for love —as well as sane conversations with other women. Jenna is however a producer's dream, which is the only reason I can imagine she got a rose to be housebound for round two. Stay tuned for more winning drama from that corner.

Despite having his matrimonial hopes dashed on national TV, Ben is back for love. Of course all these women should hope that he dropped his belief that good things don't end unless they end badly. along with his heartache over Ashley. If he can use his new found wisdom to choose a woman who’s actually present and connected to him more than the idea of love, the experience of being on TV or the desire for a 2 Karat diamond ring… he just may come out ahead. In the meantime buckle your seatbelts, it's going to be an incredibly scenic and bumpy ride. I'll be back next week with more REALITY DISH RECYCLED! —THE BACHELOR.…

What do you think is about to happen? Who's your fav? What do you think about Bachelor Ben?

It’s eerie, sad and even a bit disturbing to watch Taylor’s late husband Russell reveal his personal discoveries and beliefs on the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Look a little closer and the cautiously edited clips of their counseling session gives us something crucial to reconsider and recycle.

What do you do when you love each other, yet the pain of your past is blocking the path to your future?

Can you rekindle a relationship that’s undergone significant emotional damage? Is it possible to begin with a clean slate? Can you put past hurts and heartache behind you, so you can move forward and build from a new place? Well according to Beverly Hill’s finest, aka doctor of Osteopathy, Charles Sophy —such a notion is not only impossible, it’s also immature. YIKES! Impossible and immature?! People are wondering why Russell cut the counseling session short? So would I with that kind of hopeless response. While I'd imagine Sophy has beneficial tools in his psychiatric arsenal, this insight misses the mark.

When it comes to expert testimony like this —buyer beware. This is the kind of advice that should come with a money back guarantee.

Adopting the belief that you cannot create a clean slate in any area of your life will not only limit your ability to move forward… it will likely keep you connected to the very emotions you must release in order to move forward.  Dr. Sophy may have appeared everywhere from The Joy Behar Show to Dr. Phil, but the only thing more sad than his inaccurate advice and disempowering statement about Taylor’s immature longings is the fact that Taylor lost Russell before finding out for sure what they might have been capable of achieving.

FYI, by definition Osteopathy is an alternative medical practice that “emphasizes the interrelationship between structure and function of the body. In layman’s terms “it recognizes the body’s ability to heal itself,” and the osteopathic practitioner’s role is to facilitate the process. Well whatever school of thought you’d like to entertain, the bottom line in life is that everything comes down to our actions and choices. Understanding what's driving us to do what we do is the key to creating what we want. We have the power to heal ourselves, thus our relationships. In Taylor and Russell's case, both openly admitted that despite the pain and heartache, nothing that had taken place between them was damaging enough to prevent a new relationship from forming —new being the key word.

When the relationship you’ve built is broken, find the cracks in the foundation, identify the weaknesses in the beams and then use what you learn to build a brand new structure that supports the relationship experience you want.

No offense to Dr. Sophy as we all have our perspectives, but as someone who was told years ago that the clean slate I’d imagined for my life after repressing rape was idealistic —on this hand I’m calling his cards and sweeping the game with my aces called results. As long as you extract the lessons you need to learn from where you've been, rebuilding your relationship on a clean slate is much faster and more structurally sound than trying to repair and reside in what’s already broken. People often view money as power because more money expands the number of choices available to you. In truth, choice is your greatest power. In the relationship realm the only value in revisiting painful or hurtful events is  recycling them for insight. Choose to use them.  Identify what caused the emotions and what drove each of you to act as you did so you can make the necessary corrections —and start fresh with that clean slate Taylor asked about.

If you are in a relationship that’s been on the rocks, creating a clean slate with awareness, intention and accountability is the only way to dump the drama, start fresh and build a new relationship portfolio that pays big dividends in love. Cheers to your best relationship ever! —Charly

  Are you owning your holidays by enjoying them the way you want, or is the marketing magic manipulating you to throw yourself into material madness like a martyr?

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday mainly because it was the one day when my dad could be home all day with us to simply relax. My parents didn’t have much money when I was growing up. My dad often worked more than one job to keep everything going. Thanksgiving was the day when all we did was hang out together until it was time to gather around the table and enjoy the meal my mom so lovingly prepared. Yes I have great memories to build my Thanksgivings upon, but in truth even if you had terrible, stressful or non existent holiday celebrations, you can still make them anything you want today. The key is to own them by making them what you desire so you can enjoy them the most.

Charlyism #11-21 Holidays are the best tests for how well you treat you —if you don't enjoy them, you need to change something about you & your approach to them.

Are you ruled by obligation instead of laying down the ground rules that work for you? Do you under think, overspend and then suffer the stress of financial strain? Do you take a day that offers you the chance to relax, regroup and recharge, and trade it for a steal at your local retailer? If anything other than your desire is driving your choice to run to the store, than the only steal in any of those deals is the valuable time you lost while focusing on a future holiday instead of the one waiting to be savored before you.

The point is whether you spend your holiday solo or with family and friends, your power in making it fabulous is always your choice. If you love the midnight shopping, have a ball. But if you’re out there in the cold because you’ve set up a precedent of buying too much stuff for too many people and desperately need to save where you can, a change would do you good. If you’re out there because the marketing gurus have convinced you that there’s more value in low priced items than putting your feet up with family and friends —beware. There are plenty of notes we can take from this recession. It’s not only offering us a chance to reassess our spending —it’s giving us all an opportunity to identify what’s driving our spending, and more importantly… what's driving our choices.

You don’t have to be one of the people who are most thankful when the holidays are over. Your choice is your greatest power. Holidays are only what we make them, and each season gives us another opportunity to savor the sweetest aspects and dump the potential drama. If you’re not enjoying the holidays, then something about you and the way you’re approaching them needs to change. Take your holidays back and make them your own. Remove the obligation and fill it with celebration in the way that serves you the best. It’s the greatest gift you can ever give those you love. Cheers to your best holiday season ever! —Charly

As the author of the savvy business handbook Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass, if you guessed that the dating and relationship realm is my favorite, you're right!  I LOVE seeing people correct the glitches that are messing up their results and attract the relationships they crave. Of course I love people, which prompts me to pose the question:

Shouldn’t someone who supposedly lives for love, actually like people?

Well, despite my personal penchant for strategically romping through this juicy realm, the Stanger Schtick started making me sick quite some time ago. Was it because her advice is more likely to leave you single or marrying the wrong partner too soon than lead you to relationship bliss? Or was it the fact that she’s so rude, crude and cruel to those she supposedly wants to help find love? I could go on and on, but the bottom line is… not all network chosen experts are created equal or able to deliver the kind of take away content you should apply in your life. This is probably why viewers are now calling for Bravo to take Patti away.

Here’s my point. What you watch can surreptitiously have a huge impact on what you think and do. In the relationship realm I spend most of my time helping people throw out bad advice and beliefs that are sabotaging their relationships. As long as you know why you’re watching and who you’re watching, you’ll still come out ahead. For this reason I’m horrified by the conflicting and sometimes baseless advice that Patti Stanger coughs up. I’m a firm believer in walking your talk, and for someone whose career seems to be more television than actual match making, where would Patti be if she followed her own advice? Oops, I guess we already know that. At this point since people everywhere are calling for Patti and her show to be taken away… by BRAVO, why not recycle her rants into something you can use as you contemplate, choose and cultivate your interpersonal and business relationships.

Charlyism Tip #2  Make sure the people you follow are walking their talk.

Again Patti gives us such a fantastic example of what I mean. One of her guidelines: Break up with a man who hasn’t given you a ring within a year. Really Patti? Because despite not making it to the altar, you hung in there for a ring  for far longer than a year with your previous beloved didn't you? Honestly, is our divorce rate in this country not high enough to suggest that we all refrain from judging the value or relevance of a potential partner by whether or not he delivers a ring within 12 months? If a man is taking you as well as your relationship seriously, he may want or need more time. Heck you may want to take more time —and isn’t that better than a quick proposal that inevitably implodes? The fact that Patti's advice is almost always detrimental to your success goes without saying, but the point is this:

When considering anyone’s advice, look at what they’re doing and how that advice is showing up in their lives before you follow it.

Walking your own talk is crucial. Experiencing the results of what you create is the number one way to spot where you need to make corrections to your perspective so you get what you want. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding —it 's also a major time & money saver for improving your stats in life & love! Thanks for the lessons Patti ; )

Today’s Charlyism is inspired by —you guessed it, Kim Kardashian and the marriage that wasn’t the fairy tale she'd imagined it would be. So here it is:

"If you don’t look at yourself, your choices and why you made them, you learn nothing and repeat everything."

Kim claims her intentions were true and it was all a big mistake. In fact before promoting her new book on The Today Show this morning… Kris Jenner was quick to remind us that divorce happens. Yes Kris it does, but since encouraging Kim to learn from her choices is much more effective & helpful than taking a trap door, I’ll say it again:

"If you don’t look at yourself, your choices and why you made them, you learn nothing and repeat everything."

Cheers to dumping your drama and elevating your stats in life & love Pronto!

For more Charlyisms and straightforward strategy for attracting a fabulous relationship, pick up a copy of Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass today!
 

The reports are in! Blogs are ablaze! Perez Hilton, The Daily Mail, and The Associated Press along with a plethora of other sources are buzzing! Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are filing for divorce —but are any of us (including the slew of guests who watched the ceremony live in person) really surprised? Sadly we’re not. That’s not because we wished them ill will or wanted to see Kim’s prince turn into a pumpkin either. But honestly, how many of these whirlwind engagements with ostentatious over the top nuptials do we need to see before we all admit to knowing that a successful relationship let alone a marriage requires much more than luxury vacations, multi-million dollar trappings, an exclusive registry and a gigantic diamond ring?! Oh and let’s not forget about the fairy tale wedding —ironically it’s the one thing they served us accurately… a fantastic fairy tale captured within a wedding album destined to be shelved alongside a childhood copy of Cinderlla.
 

There’s a reason I say love is business. The lack of foresight, honesty and old fashioned 1 + 1 = 2 kind of calculating is precisely why we need to get it together and  take a business approach to our love lives. The truth is we are all creating equations in our lives every day, and the results of those equations is exactly what we then experience.

Is it easy to get caught up in love? Yes. Is it easy to be swept off your feet? Yes. Should you make decisions such as marriage while you’re up there in the air? THUMP!

No you shouldn’t.

Have many of us done it? YES! Guilty as charged, which is one of the reasons I have such crystal clear insight on how to recycle your experiences, bounce your baggage and attract the relationship you desire with power. When it comes to love, the key is to take a personal inventory on what you’re doing, how it’s working and what kind of results your choices & actions are yielding. Only then can you determine how far you are from your desired target, so you can recalculate and make corrections that will create the love portfolio you’re craving, PRONTO.

I don’t know Kim Kardashian personally, thus I will not make any assumptions about what was driving her to make this latest round of choices. I’m not going to lie about being disturbed by her mother Kris’ insatiable appetite for maintaining and monetizing her mama mogul presence and Kardashian brand in the media either. I think it’s sad that Kim even has to field questions about her intention with regard to participating in a money making charade for TV. It's hard to imagine that Kim would want to intentionally put herself through a sensational wedding capped off with a failed marriage only 72 days later. What would have been nice is having seen fierce mama Kris encouraging Kim and Kris to seriously think about what they were doing and take their time rather than obsessing over wedding details and arranging cameras for the E! special. Again I was not privy to their personal conversations and can only comment on what I did see, but I believe one of the main reasons none of us is surprised is because we could all see that they were in over their heads.

Did Kim and Kris even know each other?

Had they envisioned what daily life behind and in front of the cameras would actually look like so they’d know whether it was possible to sustain? Had they given themselves enough time to get beyond the potential of their relationship to see the reality of it? Who knows. What’s done is done and the lavish show we’ve just seen holds valuable lessons for more than the Kardashian and Humphrey clan, so let's break it down.

It’s not Kim’s fame that is to blame for this divorce, nor is it some negative or non-cooperative quality lurking within Kris that is shattering their 72 day old vows. Simply and ironically put, it’s Reality. Not reality TV, but the reality of making choices that could only yield the desired results if they were carefully thought out, planned for and supported through awareness, accountability and action every day. You’ve got to be accountable to yourself, your partner and the relationship experience you want to create. Only then will you enjoy love that lasts. The secret to success in love is simple… implementing the process in spite of yourself however is often not, which is where I come in with a streamlined business approach that focuses solely on results and delivers a personalized strategy that empowers you to generate the results you want. Goodness knows I learned the hard way myself, so I'm not about to judge.

Kim you’ve built an impressive financial empire for yourself, but as you probably know, money can’t buy love or happiness. The good news is that you’re young and every choice and experience can be mined for golden insights that will propel your success in any area you wish to enhance. However if you want #3 to be a charm instead of a chaser, pick up a copy of Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass today. Love is Business —and I’ve got the winning strategy to round out your success in the relationship realm.

Cheers to your best relationship ever. —Charly